So, that is how I have faced fear ever since. But what about when the thing you fear is also FANTASTIC? Yeah, that's where I find myself. Face first into Tommy tech week(s), where I am two weeks away from actually having to PERFORM IN THIS SHOW. It is here.
So, do I face this same fear in the same way? Just grit my teeth, swallow the bile in my throat, and "get through it"? I have realized the obvious. This is a different situation. One where I am both afraid AND fulfilling a life-long dream. One where there is no destination or amazing thing at the end of the experience that makes it all worthwhile (my driver's license, my daughter, the exit gate of the Mind Bender).
This show, being IN THIS SHOW, IS THE THING I WANT. I don't want to ruin it by just trying to "get through it" or (worse) driving my fellow cast members crazy with my desperate need for validation and positive feedback. NONONONONONONONOOOOOO NOPE.
So, I'm going to reframe this experience. I will enjoy it. I will fear it. I'll damned we'll BE IN IT without thinking of it as "horrible/terrifying/SO EFFING SCARY!!!!"
This is not the roller coaster. This is something I've wanted to do my whole life. And I'm going to live it; because, as Tommy says, "Freedom tastes of reality!"