So, where were we? Oh, yes. My second ever audition! It went very well (according to the awesome director), and I even got invited to the call backs! Unfortunately, I wasn't what they were looking for. I know, I make that sound all "Oh well! I am fine! No big whoop!"; but, the truth is, I was crushed. I wanted to be in that show VERY MUCH. But, after a few good cries and some excellent advice from a good friend (thank you, MS); I had a real change in attitude. It is common sense, but negativity makes you feel like crap, friends! IT'S TRUE! (I'm planning my self help book as we speak). My whole life, I've looked on the crappy side of everything. And I'm sick of it (and it only took me 46 years to realize it!).
So, what now? I know that my instinct will be to feel negativily, but I can choose how to respond to that. And I choose to try positive responses. And I realized what I am really afraid of. Here it is:
I'm 46. I'm a mom to a young child. I can only act in one show per season, because of the time commitment. So, why I SUPER FREAKED OUT over not getting in this show was also because I'm afraid I won't get in another show this season. Fear that time is not on my side. Fear that my extremely limited experience will mean no one else will cast me. The pain from kicking myself for not trying all of this when I was younger. So, the therapist says, "How true is that? How likely is that?" And I say, "I don't know!" I only want to participate in theatre. I'm not looking to be on TV or in movies or any of that.
So, I ask you, my friends who know a LOT more about theatre than I do: how true is it that I won't get into another show? How likely is that?